Four levels of social acceptance

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Man is a social being. This is a fact and few people are willing to argue with this. As social beings, we crave the recognition of loved ones, we need our environment to accept us, appreciate and help develop our strengths. Psychologist Henry Cloud in his book The Power of Others writes that our strength, our capabilities and prospects directly depend on the social environment. No genius made his discoveries alone. As a rule, many people were always behind all discoveries, a kind of support group: family, colleagues, like-minded people. Think about it:

Henry Ford had Thomas Edison.

Mark Zuckerberg was taught by Steve Jobs.

Bill Gates had Warren Buffett and Ed Roberts.

There is no such thing that a person has achieved everything himself. Every outstanding personality has once put their trust in a more experienced leader who was able to meet their need for growth and development. Unfortunately, not all people realize what tremendous power lurks in the environment. And very often it happens that the influence of the environment negatively affects our life. In his book, Henry Cloud identifies 4 levels of relationships between a person and the environment. At the first three levels, we do not feel full and only at the fourth level all our hidden potential is revealed. Levels can go nonlinearly and throughout life we ​​can move from one to another. We will talk about each level today in our review.

First level. Unconnected

Real communication with people involves two-way communication: when both parties are willing to give and receive equally. At the 1st level, people lack something – they cannot receive or give. They cannot be emotionally involved in communication. Often people at the first level are very withdrawn, they cannot read the emotional signals of the environment, they often do not understand the needs of other people. It is important that isolation is understood here not only as uncommunicativeness, but also as concentration on oneself and one’s inner needs. Sociopaths and narcissists are the kind of people most often stuck at the first level. They all seem to be disconnected from life and live in their own world with needs that only they understand.

Second level. Bad connection

People who are on this site very often feel bad. Hence the name of the level. Moreover, they may feel bad not only because they are surrounded by bad people, but also because at this stage it is very difficult for people to reveal their potential, they simply do not see it. They often feel humiliated, inferior, as if something is wrong with their life. The second level is characterized by the fact that people find themselves in a toxic environment, which, like a virus, infects them with negative thoughts and feelings.

Third level. Fake “good connection”

If on the second level we feel very bad, then on the third level the opposite is true – we feel very good. But the disadvantage of stage 3 is that it’s not really good. At this stage, people very often deceive themselves, they see not what it really is. The third level is like pain reliever. But the problem with pain relievers is that it doesn’t really cure the disease. This is just a temporary relief. At this stage, people are very often addicted to good news, and they simply do not want to hear another. At the third level, we surround ourselves with those people who tell us only positive things.

On this site, people are literally chasing achievements, conquering more and more peaks: they close plans, receive huge bonuses, more and more are needed. This is a real pursuit of sensations. “I want more pleasant things” becomes the meaning of life. Every day turns into a race for pleasure.

Fourth level. Real connection

It’s not easy to get here. To move from the first three levels to the fourth sometimes requires a titanic effort. But in any case, they will pay off if we understand what awaits us here. At this stage, you become yourself, real. You are in a relationship in which you put all of yourself, your soul and passion. You fearlessly share with people what you feel, what you believe in, and what you fear. And other people help you move forward, understand where you are now, and give honest feedback.

How do you get to the right stage? First, realize where you are now. This is no longer easy. But if you do this, you can outline a plan for reaching Level 4. What do I need to do?

  • Select a new environment.
  • Eliminate toxic people from your life, communication with whom deprives you of energy and makes you feel bad.
  • Find the area of ​​activity in which your potential is best revealed.
  • Find a mentor who can point out your weaknesses and help you develop your strengths.

Should I read the entire book?

Yes, if you want to learn everything about how the environment affects our life, how we can change our environment, where to draw energy in order to move forward, and how to increase our effectiveness, drawing on the experience of others.

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